4 Things That Will Keep You in the Friend Zone

The Friends Zone is a situation in which a friendship exists between two people, one of whom has an unreciprocated romantic or sexual interest in the other:

We all, I’m sure, have been placed in the Friend Zone before. You find yourself being courted or vetted by a potential candidate and suddenly, he says “I think we’re better as friends”.

Umm, friend? How did we get here? It’s always a moment of disappointment, especially if you thought everything was going well.

This is my list of 5 Things to consider that will help keep you out of the Friend Zone. Apply these tips and I can insure you will get a different response. Especially, if you’re ready to get on the right track according to The Most High with Marrying and raising a family. The way he designed things to be, from the beginning.

1. BEHAVING LIKE ONE OF THE GUYS

Is it wrong for a woman to like sports, have a beer, or shoot pool? Does it make her unappealing to wear her comfy oversized shirts and tennis shoes? What if she’s a fan of rap music and she can put away a good steak?

My answer to that, is NO.

It’s not wrong for a woman to partake in these things but is majority of her favorite things to do perfectly mirror the interests of her counterpart? Having things in common will make bonding fun but the ability to relate as friends, cannot override his ability to be physically, emotionally, and spiritually captivated by you.

A Man isn’t interested in dating someone who is exactly like him. A manly man is intrigued by being in the presence of a feminine woman. Someone who is soft, delicate, and reserved. The complete opposite of who he is. When he’s around her, he feels more of a man. Our role, as a mate/wife, is to bring that balance to his life that he didn’t realize was missing.

As women, we most times feel that if we like all the similar things, that makes us the obvious choice. Later to discover, you’re the Cool Chick he just like “kick it with”. Even after having sex, it wouldn’t change the reality of him only seeing you as a friend. Laying with you and leaving you proves that he sees you less of a friend.

Is this right? Absolutely NOT.

Every man doesn’t have good intentions. Being able to lay with a woman that he doesn’t see himself with proves he lack wisdom, discipline, and maturity.

Having sex with him doesn’t automatically means, he wants to be with you. Have these discussions before taking steps toward being intimate. The most High commands us to wait for marriage to have sex. We don’t always start out on the right path, but we have a choice to repent and do things differently if we want different results. It helps weed out all the guys whose intent isn’t right.

However, we’re looking for marriage. Not a fly-by-night thing. If you desire marriage, you want to be seen as more than a friend. It doesn’t take a man long to know.

2. LACKING DISCRETION

Most men are usually not as verbal as women. We love to talk. Too much.

For a man, that can be an immediate turn-off. We like to discuss our accomplishments, our hopes, and dreams—laying it all on the table too soon. Men don’t like that.

Next to courting a woman who talk a lot, is one who has a nasty mouth. No discretion. Discussing her health issues, menstrual cramps, her trip to the restroom, etc. An immediate turn-off.

Listening more than we speak will give us the opportunity to see who is before you. We miss the red flags and signs because we are too busy "selling" ourselves. This behavior immediately gives a woman a dominant personality. All he can think of is how he won't be able to guide or correct you when necessary.

Asking questions but don't interrogate.

Listening helps you to give an appropriate response. Being mindful of what you talk about and how long you talk, is key. The man shouldn’t have to play double Dutch, just to get a word in.

That type of behavior will get you looked over.

3. LACKING CONFIDENCE

A manly man, love everything about a woman. The scripture says a man love nothing better than to look upon her beauty. A graceful woman is a double grace. If a woman lacks confidence, she needs a lot of reassurance and that can be draining for anyone. Being sure of yourself is good but don't be so sure that you have no room to grow.

Come out of the lounge wear, pants, joggers, bonnets, tennis shoes—soften it up. A man would appreciate that.

Take good care of yourself.

Smell nice, upkeep your hair, take care of your skin, cleanse, and detox often to avoid bad breath and body odor.

Your items don’t have to be expensive. Just be clean and neat. Fitting your body properly and flowy, so when you make certain movements, parts of your body aren’t exposed.

Being neat and presentable shows a lot about a woman’s character and confidence. We easily confuse High end labels with being put-Together and we must understand the difference.

Labels could show that you prefer to keep up with trends. That you have expensive taste and may be very spoiled in attitude.

Being able to make a thrift-find look like a quality piece shows resourcefulness and creativity. Any man can appreciate that.

Don’t get into a relationship showing yourself to be one huge expense. Show how much you can add to his life.

It’s frowned upon to even have this way of thinking because we’ve been taught all our lives that the man should provide. Yes, He is supposed to provide. He is to provide your foundational necessities: living, shelter, life insurance, food, clothing, etc. Providing your basic needs shows that he has done his duty. Our upkeep: body work, wigs, nails—everything that is not a natural part of us, is extra. If the average man doesn’t provide the Extra, he’s deemed less of a man. That's not fair. So, they usually marry the lower maintenance, simple yet resourceful woman. If he lost it all, she could still be loved by her.

Be classy, resourceful, creative, and affable. More importantly, easy to please.

Having a spoiled girl attitude from the gate, I promise you, will get you overlooked.

4. NO ACCOUNTABILITY

A woman with standards is a woman, indeed.

Usually, a woman who says she has standard, you will find that it’s always materialistic and vain expectations of the man. Things like: Being 6ft, making 6 figures, great in bed, muscles etc. Rarely moral expectations.

Looking for a woman to hold herself to a certain standard—forget about.

Things she should hold herself accountable to, like, never allowing herself to get loud in public; giving every man access to her; and putting value on people according to how much they make or their level of education.

Character judging standards. Things that money cannot put value on.

Leave it up to the average woman, she doesn't have to work on a thing. If she's not pointing her finger saying, "what about the man?"

We have control over ourselves, what we allow, what situations we put ourselves in. Taking accountability so we can grow and learn.

If you are a woman who prefer a good man over the vanity of what he should look like, have or do—than you have a good chance at being happy with someone.

The friend-zone is not where you want to be. Believe that.

There's a difference from being a friend to your man and being a friend to a man. You don’t have to become a man for him to notice you, bond with you and be genuinely interested in you. If you find yourself slowly being placed in the friend zone—soften up. Ask for his help, wait for him, say “Please and thank you”, be silent, smile more, dress nicely, smell nice, take care of your body. Be delicate.

What do we do with delicate things?

You don’t have to play the damsel, but if a man is not needed, in his mind, he doesn’t need to be there.